Sooo....we're about to go to church, but I just thought I'd jump on here and post a short blog to keep everyone updated about our adoption situation. Last week sometime, I contacted a wonderful lady about adopting a small sibling group. The sibling group wasn't available, but she gave me some info about some other children that were. One of the boys she mentioned has lots of medical and developmental problems, but we just felt pulled toward him. He is almost 11 and he has CP (cerebral palsy), autism, and is blind, among others. But we feel like we are going in the right direction. I've been praying that if it isn't meant to be that God put something in the way tomorrow...that they will decide we aren't the best family for him. Otherwise, we've found our boy! They are meeting tomorrow at 1:30...so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well and in the direction of God's will.
I'll get back on after church if I remember to...we're starting to help out with the youth on Wednesday...this will be our first day doing that. We are just so thankful we've found a church we love. It's small, but that's exactly what I wanted. Anyway, like I started to say, if I remember, I'll get back on and post about the kids starting school and stuff. But for now, that's it.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
My rant....
I know I haven't written in awhile, but things are very chaotic during the summer. Now that school is back in, maybe i can write more.
We aren't any closer to adopting than we were before. I have send hundreds of inquiries out with hardly any response. We've sent just as many homestudies out as well, with even less response. I figure the reason we are being passed up has to do with the fact that we have a large family already. We already have four children at home. That is the only thing I can think of that would be holding us back. We have the ideal situation when it comes to having parents home. We are open to all disability levels, and our house is already wheelchair accessible.
It amazes me how the perception is that there are hundreds of kids that need good homes, but not enough homes to fill them. I no longer believe that. I honestly believe the homes are out there, but it's the in between that is preventing the two from finding each other. I have always heard that sibling groups linger in foster care b/c no one wants more than one child when adopting, or if they do, it's extremely rare. That's not true either. Since beginning this journey, I have talked to lots of people that are specifically looking for sibling groups, but get no answer or little answers back when inquiring about them. I have even seen where someone wanting the same age child we are looking for has been waiting for four years. Is that where I'm headed?? Is it going to be four years later before we are matched? If so, my preference will be different by then. I want a child that meshes with the children we already have. The older they get, the older the child we are looking for will be.
People also have the idea that children with lots of medical needs aren't chosen as often. Did you know that there are people on waiting lists for children with down syndrome? There are people inquiring every day about children that are in wheelchairs and children that are terminally ill. There ARE families out there that would love to help these children. Why aren't they being placed sooner than they are? I understand not wanting to rush and place them in a home too quickly...to take their time and try to find the best family for the child. But personally I think that taking 30-45 days to read a homestudy is too long.
I also don't think race should matter, but twice I have been told that we can't have two children we have inquired about b/c we are white. I can understand to a degree, a child making his wants specifically known..that they would like to be placed with an AA family. But when the case worker seems to make this choice for them, without asking them first, it does bother me. And so they linger in foster care...which is soooo much better than being with someone of another race..right? That's the way it seems they think.
I have also inquired about a little boy that has downs. He is just so precious and I really felt a connection with this little boy. We submitted our homestudy, and I've heard nothing. I emailed and got no response. I called and his worker was always out. I left msgs that weren't returned. I left voicemails on her voicemail that were never returned. At one point I said I just wanted to be sure my homestudy was received b/c at this place you have to snail mail your homestudy and not fax it. No answer. I finally received an email at some point saying that they did receive our homestudy, but they were still reviewing it. Or something to that effect. And that wasn't from his case worker, but from the agency themselves.
I have always been one to say that I wouldn't adopt internationally, b/c there were so many children in the states wanting homes. Now I see why so many people do choose to go overseas. If it weren't for the money, we would consider that. Actually we have considered that and the money is the biggest issue. I know that grants are available, but you have to actually be in the process of adopting internationally, and it takes a lot of money just to start. Money we don't just have lying around.
I guess I'm done ranting. I have just had a bad day, and I am aggravated at the things I read daily about adopting.
I don't know what the solution is. I know that I am frustrated and sad for these children, and for the families that wait for them.
We aren't any closer to adopting than we were before. I have send hundreds of inquiries out with hardly any response. We've sent just as many homestudies out as well, with even less response. I figure the reason we are being passed up has to do with the fact that we have a large family already. We already have four children at home. That is the only thing I can think of that would be holding us back. We have the ideal situation when it comes to having parents home. We are open to all disability levels, and our house is already wheelchair accessible.
It amazes me how the perception is that there are hundreds of kids that need good homes, but not enough homes to fill them. I no longer believe that. I honestly believe the homes are out there, but it's the in between that is preventing the two from finding each other. I have always heard that sibling groups linger in foster care b/c no one wants more than one child when adopting, or if they do, it's extremely rare. That's not true either. Since beginning this journey, I have talked to lots of people that are specifically looking for sibling groups, but get no answer or little answers back when inquiring about them. I have even seen where someone wanting the same age child we are looking for has been waiting for four years. Is that where I'm headed?? Is it going to be four years later before we are matched? If so, my preference will be different by then. I want a child that meshes with the children we already have. The older they get, the older the child we are looking for will be.
People also have the idea that children with lots of medical needs aren't chosen as often. Did you know that there are people on waiting lists for children with down syndrome? There are people inquiring every day about children that are in wheelchairs and children that are terminally ill. There ARE families out there that would love to help these children. Why aren't they being placed sooner than they are? I understand not wanting to rush and place them in a home too quickly...to take their time and try to find the best family for the child. But personally I think that taking 30-45 days to read a homestudy is too long.
I also don't think race should matter, but twice I have been told that we can't have two children we have inquired about b/c we are white. I can understand to a degree, a child making his wants specifically known..that they would like to be placed with an AA family. But when the case worker seems to make this choice for them, without asking them first, it does bother me. And so they linger in foster care...which is soooo much better than being with someone of another race..right? That's the way it seems they think.
I have also inquired about a little boy that has downs. He is just so precious and I really felt a connection with this little boy. We submitted our homestudy, and I've heard nothing. I emailed and got no response. I called and his worker was always out. I left msgs that weren't returned. I left voicemails on her voicemail that were never returned. At one point I said I just wanted to be sure my homestudy was received b/c at this place you have to snail mail your homestudy and not fax it. No answer. I finally received an email at some point saying that they did receive our homestudy, but they were still reviewing it. Or something to that effect. And that wasn't from his case worker, but from the agency themselves.
I have always been one to say that I wouldn't adopt internationally, b/c there were so many children in the states wanting homes. Now I see why so many people do choose to go overseas. If it weren't for the money, we would consider that. Actually we have considered that and the money is the biggest issue. I know that grants are available, but you have to actually be in the process of adopting internationally, and it takes a lot of money just to start. Money we don't just have lying around.
I guess I'm done ranting. I have just had a bad day, and I am aggravated at the things I read daily about adopting.
I don't know what the solution is. I know that I am frustrated and sad for these children, and for the families that wait for them.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
i just have to share some of my frustration lately. we are adopting, as some of you know, so i spend a lot of my time looking at photolistings. for those of you who don't know, this is a list of kids who need adoptive homes...and it has their name, age, and a little about them (very little at times) and where they are from. (the state, anyway). one thing i have noticed over and over is that there is way too many kids that are older, yet have the picture of when they were toddlers or little kids. i think they deserve to have an updated picture of themselves on there.
also, if a family is looking to adopt, and expresses interest in adopting a child, i think they deserve to hear something back from the caseworker of the child. i mean, i know that caseworkers are overloaded and such, but is it too much to ask that you send some kind of acknowledgment that you received the inquiry?
i am just venting here...just starting to get frustrated with this whole thing. not that i thought that he would be here by now, i knew we would have to wait, but we've expressed interest in a little boy a few times, and never heard anything back, and it's frustrating.
on a similar topic, i just finished reading Three Little Words by Ashlee Rhodes-Courter. This is an awesome, but heartbreaking at times, book. I suggest you ALL go and read it just so you will have an idea of what some foster kids go through. It is so good, I read it in one day. So that's my suggestion for the day.
As for my dog, well...she's pregnant and getting bigger everyday. i realize i probably haven't told you about my dog. i do this and myspace, and sometimes i get confused as to who i've told what to. anyway, we have a mixed pointer named Brownie, and she is WAY pregnant. I think she's going to be pregnant forever! I'm just impatient. I kinda thought I was getting better with the patience thing, but this adoption and the dog's pregnancy has really proved to me that i still have some work to do on it!
Just keep me and our family in your prayers people...and READ THAT BOOK!! Even if you don't ordinarily read, I promise you will like this book. SO READ IT!!
also, if a family is looking to adopt, and expresses interest in adopting a child, i think they deserve to hear something back from the caseworker of the child. i mean, i know that caseworkers are overloaded and such, but is it too much to ask that you send some kind of acknowledgment that you received the inquiry?
i am just venting here...just starting to get frustrated with this whole thing. not that i thought that he would be here by now, i knew we would have to wait, but we've expressed interest in a little boy a few times, and never heard anything back, and it's frustrating.
on a similar topic, i just finished reading Three Little Words by Ashlee Rhodes-Courter. This is an awesome, but heartbreaking at times, book. I suggest you ALL go and read it just so you will have an idea of what some foster kids go through. It is so good, I read it in one day. So that's my suggestion for the day.
As for my dog, well...she's pregnant and getting bigger everyday. i realize i probably haven't told you about my dog. i do this and myspace, and sometimes i get confused as to who i've told what to. anyway, we have a mixed pointer named Brownie, and she is WAY pregnant. I think she's going to be pregnant forever! I'm just impatient. I kinda thought I was getting better with the patience thing, but this adoption and the dog's pregnancy has really proved to me that i still have some work to do on it!
Just keep me and our family in your prayers people...and READ THAT BOOK!! Even if you don't ordinarily read, I promise you will like this book. SO READ IT!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
liars and an update
i just want to blog about something that i'm sure all of you have had some experience with. LIARS. Everyone I know has been affected in some way when a person they loved lied to them. Now, I'm not going to play perfect here. I've lied before. I know it's wrong. But i'm talking about liars that build their whole lives on a set of lies. Like the person who lies and says he/she didn't cheat, but really did. The person who steals and steals from walmart and never gets caught. Someone who says they aren't gay when really they just don't want anyone to judge them, so they live their life in secrecy.
I don't understand what possesses someone to do another person so wrong. There are those that "deserve it" i guess. But most normal people that get taken by liars didn't deserve what they got.
Let me just talk about this. I have a very dear friend who just found out the person she thought she would spend her life with wasn't the person she thought he was. He was totally different. And we were close to him too, my husband and I. We loved him too. So we are kind of suffering a loss too right now, but not near as much as my friend is.
He had a totally different life that she wasn't aware of. He had been building a life with someone else, living with this person for almost the whole time, taking care of this person, buying this person things...the list is endless. The whole time, my friend was oblivious. My friend has ruined her credit for him, had been taking care of his kids, and they were honestly progressing under her care. She had gotten them on some much needed medicine and had them in school activities. And for the first time in their lives, they had their own birthday parties.
all for nothing.
it's ridiculous really. to even think this is real. i keep thinking that eventually someone will tell her it's all been a misunderstanding, but i know they won't. the truth is what it is. and by the choices he's made, he's lost the best thing he will ever know.
.....
we went to our first PATH class. It was very interesting, enjoyable, but at the same time heartbreaking talking about these children that who have been through so much, but yet, are still continuing to go through things. Even fully grown, 18 year old children (or adults) still want their own family. I don't understand why more people don't help. These kids have been through heartbreaking things.
But we are on our way. One class down, eight (i think) more to go, then the homestudy.
i just wish we could fast forward. I am just so ready to get to the waiting point, where we are just waiting on a child. I am sure this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, and that we as a family have ever done, but I think we are a good family to do it. Yes, we have our arguments, plenty of them. But we are all there for each other and we are all wanting the others to be happy. I love my little family unit. I love it. I have been blessed greatly.
I don't understand what possesses someone to do another person so wrong. There are those that "deserve it" i guess. But most normal people that get taken by liars didn't deserve what they got.
Let me just talk about this. I have a very dear friend who just found out the person she thought she would spend her life with wasn't the person she thought he was. He was totally different. And we were close to him too, my husband and I. We loved him too. So we are kind of suffering a loss too right now, but not near as much as my friend is.
He had a totally different life that she wasn't aware of. He had been building a life with someone else, living with this person for almost the whole time, taking care of this person, buying this person things...the list is endless. The whole time, my friend was oblivious. My friend has ruined her credit for him, had been taking care of his kids, and they were honestly progressing under her care. She had gotten them on some much needed medicine and had them in school activities. And for the first time in their lives, they had their own birthday parties.
all for nothing.
it's ridiculous really. to even think this is real. i keep thinking that eventually someone will tell her it's all been a misunderstanding, but i know they won't. the truth is what it is. and by the choices he's made, he's lost the best thing he will ever know.
.....
we went to our first PATH class. It was very interesting, enjoyable, but at the same time heartbreaking talking about these children that who have been through so much, but yet, are still continuing to go through things. Even fully grown, 18 year old children (or adults) still want their own family. I don't understand why more people don't help. These kids have been through heartbreaking things.
But we are on our way. One class down, eight (i think) more to go, then the homestudy.
i just wish we could fast forward. I am just so ready to get to the waiting point, where we are just waiting on a child. I am sure this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done, and that we as a family have ever done, but I think we are a good family to do it. Yes, we have our arguments, plenty of them. But we are all there for each other and we are all wanting the others to be happy. I love my little family unit. I love it. I have been blessed greatly.
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